Coping with Mom’s Dementia When She Accuses You of Stealing

“In the past month, my mother has started accusing me of breaking into her house, stealing things, or moving her things around.

And whenever I call her, she accuses me and then she hangs up the phone.

It is starting to negatively impact my own health and wellness, but then I feel guilty for not helping her.

I am overwhelmed and stressed.

How do I calm down and accept that, right now, I'm enemy number one?”

Dementia presents a labyrinth of challenges, both for those directly afflicted and their loved ones. The progression of dementia can lead to a range of behavioral changes, some of which include delusions and heightened levels of stress and anxiety. 

In this intricate journey, let's explore how to find an empowerment pathway amidst the chaos, understanding the sudden behavioral changes, communication alternatives, and proactively planning for future care.

Accusations and Guilt: The Struggles of Being "Enemy Number One"

The rollercoaster of emotions that accompanies caring for a loved one with dementia can be heart-wrenching. Accusations from a parent who no longer recognizes you can create a whirlwind of guilt, stress, and self-doubt. 

However, it is essential to understand the reason behind these delusions and work towards becoming an empowered caregiver rather than succumbing to feelings of guilt and stress.

Delving into the Dynamics of Delusions and Dementia

It's crucial to delve deeper into the underlying reasons behind these delusions. Often, an individual living with dementia may fabricate stories to make sense of their misplaced items. 

Recognizing this can be a step towards understanding where your loved one is in their dementia journey and developing strategies to communicate and care for them more effectively.

Addressing Sudden Changes: Checking for Infections and More

Sudden behavioral alterations might signify underlying medical issues, including infections. It becomes necessary to understand these sudden changes and seek medical assistance promptly. 

Equally important is to explore alternate communication means that may be more comfortable for your loved one, potentially leveraging technology to maintain a connection and ensure their safety.

Beyond Telephonic Conversations: Exploring Communication Alternatives

As dementia advances, traditional communication methods may no longer suffice. Understanding that abstract concepts such as phone conversations can become too complex for individuals with dementia is vital. 

Fortunately, several alternatives exist, including video communication and remote monitoring, to ensure the safety and well-being of your loved one.

Safety and 24-Hour Care: Preparing for the Future

Preparation is key in the journey of dementia care. As the disease progresses, 24-hour care becomes inevitable, necessitating proactive planning to avoid crisis-driven decisions. 

Creating a plan allows caregivers to maintain a semblance of control, reducing stress and anxiety by preparing for potential future hurdles effectively.

Crafting the Imperfect Perfect Plan

While the pathway may seem fraught with challenges, developing a proactive and adaptable plan can pave the way for an empowered journey through dementia care. 

As you navigate this journey, remember that you have the tools to create a nurturing and safe environment for your loved one while taking care of your well-being.

Conclusion

The journey through dementia care is indeed a challenging one, laden with trials and tribulations. Yet, with understanding, preparation, and a proactive approach, it is possible to craft an “imperfect perfect” plan that prioritizes both your loved one's safety and your peace of mind. 

As we always say, "may the Lord bless you and keep you." Remember to stay empowered and proactive in this journey, and don't forget to subscribe to our YouTube channel for more insights and guidance.

By embracing understanding and forward-planning, you can navigate the storm and find empowerment in the dementia caregiving journey. Stay tuned for more guidance, and remember, you're not alone in this.

Let me know in the comments below if you have questions about dementia that you need answered.

If you would like more information on how to help a parent living with dementia, join our next free workshop here.

Read More:

Forgetful or Memory Deficit: Unpacking the Real Difference and How It Relates to Dementia

Debunking the Myth: Is Home-Based Dementia Care Really Possible?

Disclaimer: These blogs, videos and any work done by Lizette Cloete OT, as a Member of Think Different Dementia, LLC, is given only as educational content and consulting work. This does not create an Occupational Therapist-Patient Relationship. The educational content and consulting work performed should not be considered medical treatment as an Occupational Therapist. The consulting work does not take the place of medical work normally performed by a licensed Occupational Therapist. Please consult a licensed Occupational Therapist for medical advice.

“Think Different” Dementia’s owner, Lizette Cloete, OTR/L graduated as an Occupational Therapist from the University of Pretoria in South Africa in 1992. She and her husband emigrated to the USA in 1993, and currently reside in South Carolina. They have 2 daughters and one son-in-love, 4 cats, one dog and 16 chickens.

Lizette has almost 30 years of experience as an Occupational Therapist in a variety of settings, the latest being in the home health environment. Among her many accomplishments, she served on the South Carolina Occupational Therapy Association’s Board of Directors from 2008-2014. She enjoys teaching on the topic of dementia, most recently presenting at a national conference on the topic “Dementia Made Simple”